Hard to Describe

I've been working with the group that does Summer Kids Club and got invited to check into doing some skits on Sunday mornings for the kids. I have to say, I've been feeling this pull that I've been resisting. When I was in there today I had to leave the room to cry. It's just so overwhelming. These precious kids singing about the Love Jesus has for them. These parents that entrust them to our care every week. I was just overcome. I think this is where I'm supposed to be, but it's just so hard. I don't have a family. Some would argue that Jamie is my family, but I feel really disconnected because of where he is at spiritually. I feel really alone. I just don't know when it will finally be MY turn to have a baby.

It Doesn't Get Any Easier

Brown spotting tonight. I will probably start my period in 2-3 days.

I called the office to go over all of the instructions, fees and insurance for iui.

Now I'm just waiting for my period, so that I can wait to ovulate, so that I can wait to test.

I'm doing a lot of waiting. I will wait and I will pray.

Prayer is the discipline by which God gives us the ability to wait. To preserve. To dream again. And to trust.

-Angela Thomas

I'm Out.

I just know it. All the symptoms are there. I'm sure I will start my period sometime next week.

It never gets easier.

Time to Relax

Today was nice. We had a much needed break in doing 'house stuff''. It's all busy work right now anyways. I'm glad to be in the contract phase and not having to shine my sink and mirror every day before I leave. Living in a staged home is exhausting. Always wondering if you raised the blinds for people to catch a water view, did you leave your cereal bowl in the sink, did you put away that book you were reading...

Jamie got back from out of town and I think we had some pretty well timed baby making. I think the Wheat Germ Oil and Omega 3 Oil made me ovulate a little later than normal. Maybe it will be a good thing.

My friend's teenage daughter was telling me how she wanted to adopt two baby girls one day and name them Coraline and Wednesday. lol She's such a cute girl. She asked me what I wanted baby wise and I told her I would be happy either way. She said, "no, really...what do you want?" I guess she was not expecting me to say either way I would be happy. When I was her age I didn't even think I wanted kids.