Sisterly Love

So, my sister and I bonded in a big way. I was praying for the right moment, the right opportunity, to speak my heart when she opened up and said the unexpected. These where things I knew in my heart, but wasn't able to really see as the truth because she denied it so much. Funny thing is you can feel miles apart from someone, have totally different struggles, but when you get down to it you both have the same faulty wiring.

Sam and I are nothing alike. We were never close as children. She was seven years younger than me. I spent the first 3 years of her life adoring her...until she wanted to copy me, follow me, do everything I did...about age 13 or 14 I decided I needed space from the whole family. I felt like I was suffocating in a secret. A lie. This secret was way past ripe. It was rotting. Right off the vine. It made me stink to the core. Sam didn't get the courtesy of full disclosure because of her age. Looking back, I see how this made it that much harder for her to understand my separation from her.

For a long time I dealt with feelings that I couldn't seem to make other people (therapists, counselors, pastors, mentors, my husband) understand. I felt like I abandoned her. I left her behind. She was safe, but I left during that time where our age made us worlds apart and wondered if we would ever be true friends. As young adults we were kind to one another, but I would have never thought of her when I was listing friends.

The grief, anxiety and self hate I was suffering with was eating at her too. In my gut I knew all along she was hurting, but her tornado went a different way from my hurricane. While we were both volatile forces, we both dealt with it in our own ways. Somehow opening that door and letting everything out brought us to a place of understanding. She and I both were hurt by things out of our control.

I love my sister. I always have, but we're different now and I am happy for this change.