I hate it when people I like are at odds. It's especially hard when you can see both sides of the coin.
I got an Atta Girl! yesterday and today. Quite the change from my Brain Sprain post.
I told Jamie about it and he laughed because he said his boss gives him an Atta Boy! all the time instead of a rai$e. One day he even emailed him an Atta Boy! That's when Jamie decided to email Direct TV and cc his boss on the email. Basically, he explained to Direct TV that he had email confirmation of his Atta Boy! and would like to pay his bill with it. Shockingly, Direct TV did not reply. I do think his boss gave him an Atta Boy! for his fabulous sense of humor.
Wow, it's been a month since I posted. That's not to say nothing has happened, but we have just been so busy.
Last month was a weird month. We were not really 'trying' for a baby when I ovulated since we are still without insurance until December 1st, but Jamie was feeling like we should go ahead and try. I gotta tell you...negative pregnancy tests never get easier to look at.
I know he is 1000000% on board this month. I feel really optimistic. I cannot explain it. I just feel like this is the month. I've never felt like that before.
Jamie asked what I wanted for Christmas and I told him I wanted to be pregnant! No lie. He said he would see what he could do. I told him if I didn't get pregnant this time, then next month I want to do intrauterine insemination. I don't particularly care for the idea of us using a lab to insert his sperm through my cervix, but hey...beggars cannot be choosers. Isn't that how the saying goes?
I did overcome one obstacle and maybe it's why I feel so optimistic. I've had this mental block that would not allow me to pray for a baby. I know it sounds stupid, but if He knows the desires of my heart and knows my prayers by just a sigh I kind of felt like that was going to be enough. I felt guilty praying for a child when so many people need prayer for so many things that are much more essential to their lives. I almost felt selfish praying for a baby when I get prayer requests for cancer, death, despair. The list goes on and on. I decided to not only start a journal of what I'm reading, understanding and applying from the Bible, but to journal my prayer requests. I want to have a written record that will allow me to go back and see how every thing has been answered.
Ever feel like no matter what you do, or how awesome you do it that it just will NEVER be enough for some people? They will just continue to pile responsibility on you because you are so good at your job and others just cannot hang?!?! Oh, and they cannot even seem to pay you for the level of work you are doing, but can always justify that it's for the greater good?
The tough part is that you don't mind working at that caliber and you WANT to be that person in your career, but you also want to be rewarded for it and it just does not happen.
Wow, I had a fun filled weekend. It took me until Wednesday to find the time to write about it!
It started off with the New Kids on the Block concert Thursday night! It was an amazing show and I was on a 'concert high' for 3 days! Of course my Partner in Crime was Kelly!
Then, we took Hayli and Rowland to Zoo Boo. Jamie found out what happens when Rowland eats cotton candy ... Rowland version 2.0. He gave narrative on every cold blooded creature in the Reptile House. Hayli is so kind, loving and nurturing. She wanted to push Johan in the stroller the entire time. It was very nice to spend time with them and I think they had a good time.
Only six more weeks and Jamie and I can start trying again. It's been hard taking this break and waiting for the new insurance to kick in.
I think part of the challenge is that I believe for the first time that Jamie is really on board 110%. Back in August right before we started our insurance hiatus he told me, "I guess everyone is right. You just cannot plan it."
Look at us, we are proof of that. We wait to get our debts in order, get the baby makin' groove on, get pregnant and BOOM! lose the baby to ectopic. THEN, we lose another six months of baby making to the methotrexate shot, waiting for my Hcg to get to zero, more waiting on my period and the very anticipated hysterosalpingogram. Fun times ... chemotherapy shot in the ass, human pin cushion getting blood drawn several times a week followed by a catheter shooting dye into my cervix and x-rays of my pelvic cavity. All during the wonderful Holiday Season. Can you feel the Spirit of the Season?
We get the all clear, try another six months and there you have it. We find out no insurance until December.
I know, I know. Just opt for Cobra, right? Wrong. At almost $900 a month it's just not prudent for someone that just took a 60% cut in pay.
I know what you are thinking now. I should just buy insurance outright. Have you tried that recently? Try that with a history of ectopic pregnancy (just for fun). I'm going to have issues of rejection to deal with after all of those insurance companies turned me down.
What's that? Just go ahead and try. You can wait on prenatal care until you get insurance in December. Good idea, let's risk my life and another big, fat bill to Women's Hospital of Texas.
They probably give a cash discount to uninsured patients, right? WRONG.
Just go for it. Medicade can pay for it. Real Responsible.
Okay, I guess I'm done with my rant. I'm just happy it's only 6 more weeks of waiting. Only one more missed ovulation until we can start trying again. tick tock I'm 32
Did you ever joke about anything to make light of a horrible situation, only to find out the joke may be true based on the person's reaction?
I did today and I feel horrible about it. I made a 'joke' out of a very unfunny thing and it very well may be that person's reality based on their response. I really need to be more sensitive. Sometimes my mouth just vomits out words before my brain can really process them.
The sad thing is, this is one of the things I feel led in prayer to work on. I came across this in my Bible study homework...
Proverbs 10:19
The more talk, the less truth; the wise measure their words.
Not good news for a new blogger that doesn't know when to shut her trap.
The title says it all. lol I have a few things I need to share and I thought this might be a good way to do it. Honest feelings right here on the www in black and white.
For right now, I'm feeling very private. Eventually, I know there are some people that will really want to know what has been going on in our lives and they will see the last year get pieced together here on this blog.
Posts
All Comments
