Today. Sad day...pre op. I had another sonogram. For sure no cardiac activity. I did take another photo home of our baby. The baby was finally looking a little more like a person and less like a blob and it just felt right to have. I think it made Jamie more upset though because he wasn't just looking at a blob that had a heartbeat 4 days ago. He bought me flowers.
I'm anxious about tomorrow. I know I will get through it, but I'm just nervous about the unknown. There was quite a bit of cramping tonight and I was hoping to just do this naturally at home, but I don't think that's going to happen and I don't want to sit around and wait for the inevitable. I just want to get it over with. That was the big difference between the ectopic and January's miscarriage. The ectopic dragged on and on, but the last miscarriage was fast and I was able to move on with my grief better.
I'm on the fence about telling my mom and sister. ugh...it's just so hard because I don't want to have to comfort them, but at the same time I feel unfair not letting them in. I just don't have clarity in it.
Thursday, April 8, 2010
Pre Op
Posted by Aimée at 10:38 PM
Labels: D and C, heart beat, Jamie, LOSS, Reflections, Waiting
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2 comments:
I would give anything for a magic wand that I could wave to take away the pain. You are so very strong and have such amazing faith. There are just no words to explain how very sorry I am and how very badly I want all of this to be fixed for you and Jamie. Sometimes it's amazing how strong you can be in the even the scariest situations... you are unwavering and by the grace of God you will always prevail.
I love you, Aimee, and think about you more than you will ever know.
i think you should tell them. they both love you very much and i think sometimes there's nothing like your mother's love. you need her to get through this. tell them.
i'm praying for you. love you very much. i'm just so sorry you're having to go through this.
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